Crackfic: Mommy's Diary
by midsummersunshine
Summary: Ficlet/drabble series about Papabeard, Mamabird, fifteen sons, and an envious neighbor. Contains nothing but crackity crack. Don't use your logic, please.
1. Preamble

**Title: Mommy's Diary**

**Author: Midsummersunshine**

**Pairing: Whitebeard/Marco**

**Rating: K+ … I think there's nothing dangerous here. Except the side-effect.**

**Genre: Parody, humor.**

**Disclaimer: Characters are Oda's. I'm just using them for my own stupidity.**

**Warning: Crack and just crack. Please don't use your logic 8D**

**A/N: Yeah, I supposed to write the continuation for Great Escape Tactic and Children of the Sun. But whatever...**

**I hope you enjoy this WB pirates AU happy family story = u =)/**

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><p><strong>Preamble<strong>

Once upon a time, in a far far away, lived a little happy family in a sperm whale shaped house. The father was known as the strongest man in the world and the mother was a blue burning bird—

"I'M NOT A BLUE BURNING BIRD YOU STUPID NARRATOR!"

Ouch.

*cough cough*

—and the mother was the happiest _man_ alive.

The parents were gifted with fifteen sons and nothing could shred the family's happiness. Nothing, but an envious neighbor...

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><p><em><strong>(tbc)<strong>_


	2. Sixteen

**Title: Mommy's Diary**

**Author: Midsummersunshine**

**Characters: Marco, Izou**

**Rating: Hentaaaai~ Whoops, no, just kidding. K+ it is!**

**Genre: Parody, humor.**

**Disclaimer: Characters are Oda's. I'm just using them for my own stupidity.**

**Warning: Crackity crack.**

**A/N: Nothing much to say. Your review will make me happy~~ /^ 3 ^)/ *do dances a la Mr. 2***

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><p><strong>Counts started from sixteen<strong>

It was just another morning, where Mommy Marco had finished to bathe his sons. As usual, it was not an easy task.

"Take it off!" Mommy Marco yanked his youngest son's kimono's collar. Also he tried to wipe the boy's face, decorated by poorly drawn makeup. "And, duh, why do you have to put all of these makeups?"

"No, Mommy, no!" the boy wriggled, thrashed, protested in all way possible. "Why couldn't I put makeup like a girl?"

"Because you're _not _a damn _girl_!"

"Whatever my gender is, I can wear _whatever _I want! You're against _human rights_!"

"I said: Take. Your. Girly. Kimono. Off. _NOW_!"

"Mommy, are you _hentai_?"

"…"

"…"

"Izou... where the hell you got that word?" Mommy Marco tried to ask as calm as he could.

A blink. "Which word? Human rights?"

"No. The other one."

"Oh... That's secret."

"..."

Inhales. Exhales.

Inhales...

... Exhales.

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><p><strong><em>(tbc)<em>**


	3. Fifteen

**Title: Mommy's Diary**

**Author: Midsummersunshine**

**Characters: Fossa**

**Rating: K+ K+ K+ K+ K+ K = 6K (OMG so random I know)**

**Genre: Parody, humor.**

**Disclaimer: Characters are Oda's. I'm just using them for my own stupidity.**

**Warning: You're reading chapter fifteen, means you read the preamble and chapter sixteen. Why do you need moar warnings, anyway?**

**A/N: Thank yooou for Oxensterni... Oxenstierna (gosh your name why so hard to spell? D: ) D. Yuki-Rin for the review! *kissush***

**And also everyone whose faved and subscribed this piece of crap woohoo!**

**TL/TR, please satisfy me with your review~ aaaahhhnn~ *is currently imposing Sadi-chan***

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><p><strong>Fifteen<strong>

We were all know that Portgas D. Ace _is_ pyromaniac. But apparenlty, he had an undercover partner in crime: Fossa.

"This. Is. CONFISCATED!"

"Mommy, noooooooo! Anything but my cigars and my fucking burning sword!"

The huge bald man wailed with kicked cat look, pleaded in every single words that would make the toughest man took him pity. Unfortunately, Akainu wasn't there at the moment to proof this statement, and Mommy Marco was the toughest among the toughest man so Fossa's trick wouldn't do on him. Two sentences in a paragraph was unacceptable, my language teacher said —so let this oh-so-random sentence be here and the paragraph now had three sentences.

And the author's brains exploded.

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><p><strong><em>(tbc but not tuberculosis)<em>**


	4. Fourteen

**Title: Mommy's Diary**

**Author: Midsummersunshine**

**Characters: Marco, Speed Jiru**

**Rating: K+ because Jiru is a good boy.**

**Genre: Parody, humor.**

**Disclaimer: Characters are Oda's. I'm just using them for my own stupidity.**

**Warning: (insert your own warning here because the author's brain is temporarily unavailable after working a six pages handwritten resume all night long and realizes that it's the wrong chapter three minutes before the class started)**

**A/N: Thank you for everyone who reads this crappy random-y absurdity! 8D *molests all readers and reviewers***

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><p><strong>Fourteen<strong>

Mommy Marco had no difficulty with Jiru. Being the third youngest son, Jiru fulfilled his role as a good mommy boy. He liked to do chores because he's a good boy.

"Mommy, today I wanna cut the grass!" one beautiful morning, the chubby boy announced. He held a long sword he would use to cut the grass (yes, and why can't we cut the grass by using a Medieval sword?)

Then he went to the garden in which the grasses were doubled his height.

Poor little Jiru, he did not realize a certain species of pedomonkey lurking from behind.

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><p><strong><em>(tbc)<em>**


	5. Thirteen

**Title: Mommy's Diary**

**Author: Midsummersunshine**

**Characters: Marco, Atmos**

**Rating: K+**

**Genre: Parody, humor.**

**Disclaimer: Characters are Oda's. I'm just using them for my own stupidity.**

**Warning: Violence. Yes. Very gory.**

**A/N: Wrote this on the class —whoops, gtg guys. My lecturer's here 8D**

**/kissus everyone who reads and reviews and fav'd and subscribed/**

**ILAFFYUUUU *runs***

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><p><strong>Thirteen<strong>

Mommy Marco had a comfy sofa.

It was the best sofa on earth. It was blue and squishy, nothing could beat its coziness. Usually, no one dared to sit on Mommy's sofa. Usually, Mommy Marco would give a good _punishment_ for those who dared to sit there. Believe me, Mommy Marco would be very _VERY _scary. Look at the author's puppy eyes. She's not lying.

One day, Atmos was trying to ease the rabid Haruta from his daily 'I'M GONNA EAT YOOOOOOOU' moment. Haruta hit him on the jaw, sent the huge man limp, and landed on his butt at the very wrong place… Mommy Marco's sofa.

On the top of that, at the very wrong time.

Atmos felt shivers ran down his spine.


	6. Twelve

**Title: Mommy's Diary**

**Author: Midsummersunshine**

**Characters: Marco, Haruta**

**Rating: K+**

**Genre: Parody, humor.**

**Disclaimer: Characters are Oda's. Angry Birds and Piyo Piyo also belong to their respective owners. I just borrowed them for my own stupidity.**

**Warning: Haruta is a _he_. Any rejection won't be accepted! MUAHAHAHAHA *evil laugh***

**A/N: For you who review'd, subscribe'd, and fav'd... COME AT ME BRO AND LET ME LOVE YOU 8D**

**And... this is based from real-life experience. Haha... Kinda =3=**

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><p><strong>Twelve<strong>

While not in his rabid state, Haruta was one of Mommy's good son.

Yes, son. Not daughter.

Actually, the fact that every One Piece fans that stated he as _she_ was quite irked him. For Holy Roger's Moustache— he didn't even dress like okama, like his youngest brother Izou did! He dressed manly! With pants and boots! Not some frilly pinky dress!

"Mommy..." Haruta leaned on his Mommy's back while his hands were busy folding the dry clothes.

"Mmm?" Mommy Marco hummed. He was busy also to press the clothes Haruta had folded.

"Do I look like girl?"

Mommy Marco stopped his work and turned to face his sweetest son. Although Haruta's eyes widened in expectation, Marco knew he couldn't resist to say 'no'. Actually, Haruta _did_ looked like girl.

"Well, maybe if you take off that Piyo Piyo hairpin, you wont—"

"This is not Piyo Piyo, Mommy!" Haruta pouted, arms folded in front of his chest. "Aw Mom, what era you've been lived? This is Angry Birds!"

Awkward silence.

"—you won't be mistaken as girl. Damn, Haruta... I'm not _that_ old!"


	7. Eleven

**Title: Mommy's Diary**

**Author: Midsummersunshine**

**Characters: Marco, Kingdew**

**Rating: K+**

**Genre: Parody, humor.**

**Disclaimer: Characters are Oda's. I just borrowed them for my own stupidity.**

**Warning: I think I lost my crack touch, so I'll just throw you a fluff. Yeah, family fluff.**

**A/N: Yuki-Rin (too lazy to write complete name /SLAPPED) Hahaha, I know. Honestly I'm fine with Haruta being he or she or he-she 8D**

**Again, for all reviewers, subscribers, favers (wait, is that a word?)... I'M GONNA MOLEST YOU ALL 8DDDD**

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><p><strong>Eleven<strong>

Despite of his body size, Kingdew is a shy boy with sweet tooth.

That afternoon, he peeked behind the door while Mommy Marco was making the chocolate fondant. The sweet smell that lingered from the kitchen made the not-so-little boy almost drowned in his own drool. He wanted to come there. Maybe Mommy would let him try a bite or two.

But after the incident that involved Atmos and Mommy's sofa, Kingdew wasn't too sure.

Mommy could be scary, sometimes.

"Kingdew."

The boy flinched, whimpered. "Y-yes, Mommy...?"

Mommy Marco turned to him, offering a bowlful of chocolate syrup to him.

Kingdew beamed.

Mommy Marco is the best mom in the universe!

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><p><strong>Omake: Because the truth is just being cruel sometimes.<strong>

Mommy: "Kingdew"

Kingdew: "Yes, Mommy?" *is busy licking the chocolate syrup from his fingers*

Mommy: "You did it again. I said: Could you throw it outside, please? It's already expired..."

Kingdew: "..."


End file.
